‘The Bachelors’ Instagram Captions Are The Funniest Thing About This Season
We’re only into the second week of The Bachelors, but I’m already cringing over their Instagram captions.
The three Bachelors, Wesley Senna Cortes, Luke Bateman and Ben Waddell have been sharing snaps from the show, which sounds innocent enough… but there are So. Many. Puns.
I’ll cut the boys some slack here, because somebody from the Bachie universe is managing their accounts while the show airs. It’s possible they’re not getting to approve or suggest any captions at all, but every time one of their posts pops up on my feed, I die a little bit on the inside.
Let’s take a look at what’s been said.
Luke Bateman’s Instagram captions about The Bachelors.
Everyone’s fave country boy Luke has kept his Instagram captions short and sweet. He hasn’t included too many puns in his captions, so I’m gonna call it: his captions are the best out of the trio.
He did make a Shakespeare reference, pondering if he would find his “Juliet” on the show, and declared that he’s on the show to “impress the girls, not the other way around.”
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So far, it’s not too bad, but I’ll leave you with this one gem that was paired with his tennis date photo. “One of the ladies said they could think of 14 reasons not to date me, plus I also suck at tennis. I said that’s 15 love.”
Ben Waddell’s Instagram captions about The Bachelors.
Awkward Bachie Ben’s Instagram captions aren’t exactly fine art, but he does use the odd emoji. So for that, he gets a point. Yep, just one.
Right off the bat, his captions are what you’d expect from a drunken D&M at 2am. At the start of his journey, he wrote, “It’s a surreal moment… beautiful girl, beautiful ballgown, beautiful orchestra. Love. it’s something I want more now than ever”. He somehow says so much, but nothing at all at the same time.
According to Ben, oysters are the “ultimate test of coordination and seduction”, and he offered one insight into his mind by writing, “Walking the walk, talking the talk”. I’m not even mad at this point, I’m just confused.
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I’ll leave you with his punny caption about his Luna Park date with Mckenna. Along with a snap of the pair on the merry-go-round, he wrote: “A merry-go-round, some laughs and some prized soft toys – proof I have a soft spot for a little horsing around.” It’s not the best caption, but a little horse emoji would’ve tipped it into So Bad It’s Good™ territory.
Wesley Senna Cortes’ Instagram captions about The Bachelors.
Brazilian-born Wesley has been plonked onto the show to give us some ~diversity~ and his Instagram captions are leaning into that energy. Aggressively.
His first caption was short, but so cheesy. “My Latino heart is feeling the cold in Melbourne, but it’s really warming up for a truly kind, fun, and genuine girl,” he wrote. In another caption, he joked that he had to be “careful” to not be distracted by one of the ladies’ beauty while driving.
However, it seems like old mate Wes is into penning essays, which is… a lot. I’ll let his words speak for itself.
“I know I’m bound to make many mistakes in a relationship, but I want to learn from them, apologise, and hopefully make less and less. Sorry for doubting you for a second, Brea. I believe trust is the true foundation of love, and despite all the gossip, I trust you. Thank you for still accepting my rose,” he wrote about a rose ceremony.
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But wait, that’s not even the longest one…
“Rejection hurts a lot. I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t. It is one of the hardest things that, sooner or later, every single human being will have to learn how to deal with. What has helped me so far is realising that attraction is this weird thing that no one can fabricate, you have it or you don’t. Sometimes you can’t explain why, and your best to not try and force it. So, I chose not to get offended or take it personal. Holly was one of the most incredible girls here, and the guy who will have the privilege of having her heart one day is a lucky one. For now, I must focus on getting to know the other amazing women here,” another caption reads.
I say that I hate the Bachies’ Instagram captions, but the truth is I’m secretly enjoying them. It’s kinda like a train wreck that you can’t help but watch. The show is shaping up to be lacklustre (can we please start the petition to bring The Bachelorette back instead please?) but hey, at least I can count on their social content to make me laugh.
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Image credits: Channel 10, The Bachelors